It's a long road to wisdom (it's a short one to be ignored)
by ibuzoo
Summary: Avery: Abraxas hooked up with a guy named Charly. Rabastan: So that's the reason he wanted me to cover up before Tom. Avery: What? Rabastan: He skips today. Avery: He does? Sounds like Charly was demanding last night.


**It's a long road to wisdom (it's a short one to be ignored)**

**Prompt: **Day

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Modern AU / College AU / kinda Crack-fic / text messages

**Word count: **1617

**Summary: **

**_Avery: _**_Abraxas hooked up with a guy named Charly._

**_Rabastan:_ **_So that's the reason he wanted me to cover up before Tom._  
**_Avery:_ **_What?_  
**_Rabastan:_ **_He skips today.  
_**_Avery:_ **_He does? Sounds like Charly was demanding last night._

**A/N: **This is supposed to be part of the Cupid Verse and it's utter Crack, so please don't take it too serious. Day was a hard prompt for me and I didn't find any other explanation or idea for this, so I thought I'd give it a try and write a day of text messages between the Death Eaters, Tom and Hermione. I know the Tomione part is a bit low in this one, but it's there. Anyways have fun reading it (:

**Disclaimer: **This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

* * *

**o.**

**Rodolphus:** White or red roses? I need to apologize to Bella.

**Rosier:** Scilla flowers. They mean sorry in the language of flowers.

**Rodolphus:** … I asked about white and red roses.

**Rosier:** Why do you even ask when you think you know better?

**Rodolphus:** But they have no Scilla flowers. I can chose between white and red roses, that's it.

**Rosier:** Well, red roses mean passion, white ones mean chastity. Make sure to buy at least a bouguet if you chose to take both, because a single of each together means war. And I appreciate Bellatrix to know the meaning of each one of them.

**Rodolphus:** So i'll buy eleven of each to count the months we bore together.

**Rosier:** How sentimental.

**Rodolphus:** You're no help at all.

**i.**

**Rosier:** The Lestranges declared martial law.

**Rosier:** Did you lost your phone?

**Rosier:** Antonin?

**Antonin:** s bella on her period again

**Rosier:** You answer late - and where's your punctuation?

**Antonin:** lost it somewhere

**Rosier: **Seems so. Don't you have business administration the first period?

**Antonin:** yeah tho i need to cut that one, got home some hours ago and the girl didn't want to leave until five this morning

**Rosier:** I assume during all the fun you had you didn't think about the exam that's due?

**Rosier:** Did I floored you or did you finally got sober?

**Antonin:** Shit, I totally forgot that one.

**Rosier:** Don't shit a brick, i'll talk to Mulciber so he can forge you a sick note. You should start writing, I bet he can't delay it for the rest of the week.

**Rosier:** Oh, and your punctuation returned, how wonderful.

**ii.**

**Rosier:** I need you to forge a sick note for Antonin, the poor guy had a bit too much fun last night.

**Mulciber:** Again? Isn't it a bit conspicuous? It's the third time this month. Tom won't like it.

**Rosier:** That's Antonin's problem, not ours. Will you take care of it now? Because if not I need to haul him to the doctor.

**Mulciber:** I'll do it. But I won't carry the can this time.

**Rosier:** Alright, I'll tell him to come by this evening.

**iii.**

**Mulciber:** I need to forge a sick note for Antonin, I'll send you the report later.

**Abraxas:** That's good, do one for me too.

**Mulciber:** Really? Do you want me to use the same diagnosis for both of you?

**Abraxas:** I don't care, just do it.

**Mulciber:** Consider it done. Come and get it at 5'

**Abraxas:** ;)

**iv.**

**Abraxas:** Hey, have you seen Tom today? Tell him I won't come for second period.

**Rabastan:** Why don't you tell him yourself? He's here with this shaggy beast.

**Abraxas:** Her name's Hermione, you should start to accept that she won't leave his side any time soon.

**Rabastan:** You should tell him yourself, you know he doesn't like it if we skip classes.

**Abraxas:** omg Rabastan, alright, I'll deal with it

**v.**

**Abraxas:** Hey sweetheart, is Tom with you?

**Hermione:** Hey :) Yeah he is. Tho I'll head to English Literature in a minute - anything you need?

**Abraxas:** I have to skip classes today. Can you break the news to him?

**Hermione:** I seriously hope you have a good explanation Abraxas, that class is important for your exam. You know Tom won't give you his notes to copy them.

**Abraxas:** Rabastan will. Awww, you care about me that much? So you will cover me? :')

**Hermione:** Oh, shut up. Just today. I'll see you tomorrow, you hear?

**Abraxas:** Thanks 'Mione, you're the best.

**vi.**

**Abraxas:** Sorry for kicking you out of the flat last night, want me to get you something from Starbucks? I'm in the queue. So many people here, they have grab one get one free days.

**Avery: **I demand at least a Grande and a Bagel. Besides, who was your playmate last night?

**Abraxas:** The name's Charly.

**Avery:** Charly?

**Abraxas:** Yeah, Charly.

**Avery:** … No milk, double sugar please.

**vii.**

**Avery:** Abraxas hooked up with a guy named Charly.

**Rabastan:** So that's the reason he wanted me to cover up before Tom.

**Avery:** What?

**Rabastan:** He skips today.

**Avery:** He does? Sounds like Charly was demanding last night.

**viii.**

**Rabastan:** Why didn't you tell me that you hooked up with a boy?

**Abraxas:** What?

**Rabastan:** Yeah, Avery told me. You don't need to be ashamed of being gay.

**Abraxas:** I'm not ashamed, I don't know what you're talking about?

**Rabastan:** Hey, whatever floats your boat mate.

**Abraxas:** I'm not gay.

**Abraxas:** The girl's name was Charly - short for Charlene.

**Rabastan: **Oh, alright. If you ever need me to cover up for you or want to come out, just tell me. That's what friends are for, right?

**Abraxas:** I'M NOT GAY RABASTAN.

**Abraxas:** Besides, you would cover up for a gay one night stand but not when I ask you to do it as a simple favour?

**Rabastan:** Yeah. Besides, I bet Avery already told Tom.

**Abraxas:** You're the worst.

**ix.**

**Abraxas:** Don't believe anything Avery or Rabastan send you!

**Abraxas:** They're evil.

**Abraxas:** Evil, I tell you.

**Tom:** I don't know what you're talking about. Nobody sent me anything.

**Abraxas:** Oh, alright. Forget it :)

**Tom:** I assume you have a suitable excuse for skipping the class?

**Tom:** I interpret your silence as a no. In the meantime while you dwell on a response, ensure that Nott closes the deal.

**Abraxas:** Consider it done ;)

**x.**

**Abraxas:** Is the deal done?

**Nott:** Wow Abraxas, nice to hear you.

**Abraxas:** This isn't funny Theo. Is it done?

**Nott:** Yeah it is. You'd know if your mobile wouldn't have been turned off the whole night.

**Abraxas:** Well I was busy.

**Nott:** Busy with Charly?

**Abraxas:** I'M NOT GAY OKAY? Charly was a girl. Who told you anyways?

**Nott:** Bellatrix.

**Abraxas:** How does she know already?

**Nott:** I don't know? Ask her yourself.

**xi.**

**Abraxas:** Who told you about Charly?

**Bellatrix:** Rosier. Who got it from Antonin. Who got it from Mulciber. Who got it from Avery.

**Bellatrix:** Really Abraxas you could have told us, we're you're friends. We would never judge you for your bias.

**Abraxas:** I'm not gay Bella. Charly's the name of a girl.

**Bellatrix:** Why do men always have an excuse for everything? Can't you be honest and truthful just for once? Why do you feel ashamed to accept that you have flaws and annexations that are far from perfect? You think yourself as the superior sex, but it's about time that you realise that women could crush you with the tip of their heels.

**Bellatrix: **Abraxas?

**xii.**

**Abraxas: **Do you know what's up with Bellatrix? She's not on her period again, is she?

**Rabastan:** Don't know? Let's hope it's not contagious.

**Abraxas:** I don't think it is… Maybe she got dumbed?

**Rabastan:** My phone's buzzing with a text from Rodolphus, i'll get back to you once i figured it out. You know how overly dramatic he gets when you don't text back right away.

**xiii.**

**Rodolphus:** I need you to stay out of the house for tonight.

**Rabastan:** And the reason is..?

**Rodolphus:** Bellatrix and I had an argument.

**Rabastan:** You guys fight daily.

**Rodolphus:** I refuse to answer to this.

**Rabastan:** What was your argument about?

**Rodolphus:** Does it matter?

**Rabastan:** If you want me to stay in a hotel tonight, than yes it does.

**Rodolphus:** Alright just keep it private, yes? We fought about sex. Again.

**Rabastan:** I see.

**Rodolphus:** What's that supposed to mean?

**Rabastan:** Nothing. I'll see you tomorrow then. Have fun.

**xiv.**

**Rabastan:** Not contagious. Just the usual war of engagement.

**Abraxas:** So it's about the ring again?

**Rabastan:** It's more about the bed this time.

**Abraxas:** Isn't it always about the bed with them?

**Rabastan:** How true.

**xv.**

**Bellatrix:** I just got me a coffee - do you want me to buy some for you too?

**Hermione:** No it's alright, Tom bought me one right before class. What happened?

**Bellatrix:** I pulled an all-nighter because of Rodolphus again. We fought. I'm fed up to be a victim of his neverending arguments.

**Hermione:**… was it about sex again?

**Bellatrix:** Yes!

**Bellatrix:** He should put me on a pedestal, right beside Tom and read all of my wishes from my lips instead of ignoring them again and again. I'm more than just some trophy wife he can put in a showcase so anyone can see.

**Bellatrix:** Don't you agree with me?

**Hermione:** Of course I do.

**Bellatrix:** Honestly, does Tom put you before his work?

**Hermione:** I think you can answer this question yourself.

**Bellatrix:** You see? Tom's a man, and that's not just empty talking for the simple reason that I adore him. I wish Rodolphus could have a third of Tom.

**Bellatrix:** Or a quarter. I'd be satisfied with a quarter.

**xvi.**

**Hermione:** Do you put me before your work?

**Tom:** Is this about Bellatrix and Rodolphus again?

**Hermione:** So?

**Tom:** Are you seriously asking me for relationship advice?

**Hermione:** Yes? They're your friends too!

**Tom:** Followers.

**Hermione:** Not helping, Tom.

**Hermione:** Besides you never answered my question.

**Tom:** You don't really want an answer to that, do you?

**Hermione:** That's what I told Bella too :)

**Tom:** You don't know which hellfire you just stirred.

**Hermione:** What do you mean? Bella is facile, i think the problem's obviously Rodolphus.

**Tom:** Weren't your wise words to never judge a book by its cover?

**Hermione:** Sounds like you know all about their relationship, huh? Don't humble yourself.

**Tom:** These power fights are trivialities that neither concern nor interest me - and they shouldn't concern you either.

**Hermione:** Trivialities = Friends!

**Hermione:** By the way, did you hear that Abraxas hooked up with some guy named Charly last night?

**Tom:** You should focus on your class, Hermione.

**Hermione:** I love you.

**Hermione:** *heart*


End file.
